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| I have back on my feet for the past 3 weeks and now I'm back in the chair. Hah, go figure. Due to my crazy dancing feet and love for dance I guess. Serves me well.
Due to well myself and one other person I met, my social circle has increased for the better. They are a terrific bunch who take care of each and me for that matter. But i am forced to stay in and recover probably over the next couple of weeks.
From what I'm looking at I will be staying in Melbourne over Christmas and New Year's as air tickets are unavailable or just ridiculously expensive. I'll hopefully have some company over here and won't be bored out of my brains. Meanwhile i'm thinking of just scraping a job I've taken up because they just don't take me seriously and it bums me out totally. | | |
| I feel so out of everything. I used to be able to just be happy sitting in my room in solitude and peace. Now the feeling of being alone is so scary. I like having the company around me. Anyone please? I have uni and hopefully i'm back to working condition in less than a week. My party days well, I feel uninspired to party and shoot anything.
So is this the end, I hope not. Please proof me wrong.
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| I begin my journey one step at a time again. I venture out down the stairs and up back to my apartment. I can hardly move and it hurts. My entire self hurts now. Day in day out, its all baby steps. Thank God for the two men in my life who make things slightly more interesting and fun. It's a great relief.
I feel so out of school. I can't seem to get inspired to shoot anything be it a concept- well maybe slightly creative and quirky. So is my life out of order? Have I got my priorities all mixed up and disorganized? Are the reasons the right reasons or the wrong ones? I think some have got me mistaken. This is me.. now. This is who I am. I really have nothing to hide. I've said it all and done a lot. I have made stupid decisions and have suffered the consequences.
So after more than a week, I flush with heat and ecstasy. Arranged meetings are not my thing- if anyone understands what I mine. I have my very own Emmett Hanucuk- my stylist and confidante. A great friend who's there for me when I fall and when I fell. I open the door, a bare-face, hair undone, all in a mess and the door is open.
nous nous sentons que nous nous connaissons mais il est comme nous nous réunissions juste
And then we remember everything all over again. It is all soo good. A lot of understand and intimacy can go a long way.
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| Everyones seems to assume what happened to me is because of my escapades. I on the other hand, think it not. I am frustrated, hurt and now feeling really low. I know they're all just thoughtful and want to know what happened to me, but I'm not really in the mood. Some part of me wants to be left alone and some part of me needs to see him. I'm not really interested the truth, I want to be wrapped up and cuddled.
Right now, I'd be thankful to be able mobilize myself. I can but it hurts sometimes. My one wish, would for everything to be normal again and if I could turn back time- I know what I would do, heck anyone would.
All the questions that can never be answered. Endless amount of waiting and doubt. What if.. when.. why.. how...will this.. if so then..? | | |
| A whirlwind. Am i a whirlwind or am I referring to my life? The only thing on my itinerary is currently to ice and compress my knee. I wonder why? Did 2 days of debauchery, fun, work, running and dancing do the trick or was it just fall? 'm hopeful that I will be better in another day or two. I hate being homebound and disabled.
Speaking of fall.. I don't know if I have fallen low enough in my relationships. There is someone else but due to what happens behind closed doors choice is not an option- but everything is so oral sometimes I'm not sure. It's not love, it's lust. My mind is blank because it chooses to be that way. I have to feel this way. | | |
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